Shaadi Mubarak 7

I am back from a hiatus! Yes, let us relive the days of Shaadi Mubarak.

In my earlier blogs, I spoke about the idea of why get married? I argued, you being the top priority.

In a conversation with a friend, she pointed out, the reason to get married is to find your spiritual partner- who will be your mirror and help you grow. This will be that one person, who will be there with you, (hopefully) every day, and will help you reflect on what you do, how you do and find a reason to grow, improve, do better.

This is fascinating. This gives a whole  new meaning to marriages, and the a view of what you are looking for.

Marriage Day (Photo credit: Fikra)

On a tangent, I am wondering, what is this fascination to GROW in our generation. Why do we always are itching to grow. Some of the best times I recall in my life was as a child, when I was taken care of, and not bothered about anything in the world. (YES, laugh it out, I know, you did not mean physical growth!).
But seriously, why are we all so fascinated to know.

Isn't it hard enough to accept ourselves, the way we are today, that we are pushing our selves for growth, move out of today into tomorrow, to look at future. When will we learn to live in today and not bother about tomorrow. Should not marriages be about finding someone to enjoy the moment you have right now, to share that space, to share that time. Growth will happen, it is natural. The world moves, the universe moves, the earth revolves. But, if we do not make today happy, how will we make tomorrow better. Find a partner - be in a marriage to make your today 'happier'. If you are happy today, make it even better.

You decide, how you will reach there. Weather it is someone else who will help you become happier or you yourself. But, whatever you do and if you decide to get married, don't give up. Like any relationship. this require nurturing, Do not make this into a ego match, where one is better than the other. Don't try to grow (grow on each others nerves!). Just simply try to BE.

BE Shaadi Mubarak.

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Shaadi Mubarak 6

In Shaadi Mubarak 5, I argued the reason and rationality to get married. I argued, stating, the only reason to get married is because you want to be the 'top' priority for somebody or make some one your 'top' priority.

The youth (by youth, i mean anybody over 25+) is evolving. Today, people do not get mar

it's sundanese party of married (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

ried because they want to be with each other for ever and ever, but because at that point in time it made sense. That is their requirements / needs/ source of happiness or may be an experience they want to get.

The primary driver of this post is a conversation i had with a friend of mine who completes 1 year of a blissful married life. She is one of the most grounded, sensible and practical person i know, who does let her emotions take over and lives it when she needs to. She had a fairly tale wedding. A relationship i have admired, ever since it has come into being. A balanced relationship.

For all of us, looking to get married, this is the holy grail. Find a person who will be with you for ever and ever. But what happens, when on your first anniversary he says, you are not my top priority. In fact, my work it self is not my top priority. The core of the argument that i laid out earlier is lost, is shaken. Does that mean it does not make sense to get married? What goes on in your mind when the person you change your life for tells you - you are not important to them? Does it bring a sense of relief or betrayal? Does one feel shortchanged?

The bigger question is what does it do to the relationship? Are our expectations from a relationship like marriage un-founded (if at all there is a word like that); Is the base of my argument wrong?

I do not have an answer and am still mulling over this. But, the very fact that it happened to somebody who is inshallah in a happy relationship and shall continue to be in one, has shaken me up and I am re-evaluating how I see the world.