Why marry?
Is it the
economic security, the companionship or the desire to have kids and start a family? But, do you really need marriage for that? In today's world, has the relevance of all these factors changed
In a
TV commercial recently, the young girl was being asked by her traditional aunt to get married for 'setting' up a house and security. She responds by showing the aunt pictures of a house she bought and says- security ke liye watchman hai na. Very forward thinking commercial for a country like
India, where marriage is key to living life.
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| Hindu marriage ceremony from a Rajput wedding. Norsk (nynorsk): Rajput-par i ein hinduistisk vigsel. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
People often talk about the concept of love, but in our modern day lifes, do we give love a chance to bloom. We are so self obsessed with our passion we call our work, of the things we want to do, that - we tend to forget to make time for love and/ or relationships. And where does this love go when relationship break- divorces happen.
Marriage is a contractual agreement, where two people decide to share their economic resources and decide to co-habit. As the society evolved, from
native Americans to romans to Greeks to English to
Hindus- the definition of marriage and expectations are changing. Monogamy, expected as a given in modern day marriage in a large section of the world was not true centuries ago as an expectation from marriage. I often wonder if nature designed human species as a monogamous species- because in my limited knowledge of the world around us, i find it hard to find a species that are monogamous.
In fact,
US law recognizes single parent children - who for centuries have been called illegitimate children. In Indian society, how do we explain the
Pandav's? Were they not children of the various gods? In modern day world, was this artificial insemination?
As the society in changing, the values are changing, women and men are getting economically independent, we are not giving enough time to cultivate a love (which often hard to explain expect a feeling), people fill their lives with things they want to do and achieve, work towards people they want to be, are passionate about work and scared to be emotionally connected, are
marriages becoming irrelevant? Is there no reason to get married?
My benchmark for a happy marriage is that of my parents. Married for 30 years, dad was always mom's top priority. They might not show is, but we all knew this. Today, when mom is gone, i know- dad misses her. He is trying to make us kids his priority, but we are too engrossed in out lives, to reciprocate that.
The reason to get married is to be the number one priority in somebody's life and reciprocate that relationship. Marriages leads to a relationship where you have invested in that person, they get you/ understand you, and are there for you when you need them. Can a live- in relationship solve the same purpose, may be yes. As economic interdependency are reducing, can live in become a substituted for marriage- may be. As the laws of the world start recognizing this format, the insecurities in couples will reduce and thus, may be- live in will be a new name for marriage. In today's time, if you are willing to allow somebody in your life who gets you and gives you importance, pampers you, make you their priority and you think you can reciprocate that, marry them. We all want to feel important. We spend so much of money on our weddings, be the center of attraction, wear good clothes, because feeling important feels freaking awesome. Imagine, if this could happen everyday of your life.
This concept is not to be taken literally;
Yes, there are days when we are at work and we might not receive calls from our spouses/ committed relationships, but in our heart of hearts, we know, that this bond is the most important person to us. They get us, they support us and give all the importance i want. And in a marriage or a
committed relationship, when the priorities start shifting, there is trouble.
People say they are passionate about work. However, its not a reciprocal relationship. People get pets but, can a pet fill the need of a person? Call it ego or the way we are build, we want importance from somebody we value, like, respect and who gets us. After a period of time, we just get exhausted about investing in people- understanding them, trying to explain us. We want to slip into a comfort zone yet get all importance. We do not want to be left alone, when people have other priorities. We do not want to get out and go back home alone, because the person we were having so much fun with is priortizing something else over us. If you have a girlfriend, she wants to go home to be with family. If she is your wife, she will stick with you till you both are having fun. You are her family. If you like a guy, he will be cuddling you in bed when you go home. If he is only a boy friend, he may or may not even drop you home. He has a choice. If he is your husband, his home is where yours is!
We want that importance, care. We want to be the top priority!!
