Narayanism and Single-ism!!

This is how it started....

Narayan and Me were at mainland china for lunch. We thought of writing a graphic novel, on the lines of dilbert on interesting life of being single. The strip is called.. you guessed it...

SINGLE-ISM!!!

Haw many times have you heard stories of a friend meeting his future lifepartner on a flight across the Atlantic. It just took crossing a pond to find love. After all, this is a perfect place, you are 'up in the air', no distractions, bored, food and alcohol are taken care off, and you know what, if its a long flight, your first date can result in sleeping together. (a slight technicality... each in their own seat!). That day and this day, i have been very observant and keep a note of who sits next to me in a plane. Here are few incidents of flight romance:

• This time i was greeted by a kid perched up on my window seat. The mother, is a British born Punjabi lady, who speak fluent Punjabi and the not so fluent English. My request to get my seat back was met with a few, not so pleasant Punjabi curses, which to this day, i cannot decipher.
• A middle age couple, with an american passport- (oh damn, how much i want that, but with 'no English'.) As this nice Indian girl, I patiently fill their immigration cards. Got them alkatezer and ordered food from the air hostess. Its like, being a 'personal' attendant. 
• This was a really big..(i mean really big) dude.. ooozing out of his seat, spilling into mine and feeding on a HUUUGE subway sandwich. The airlines should have charged me for only half a seat.
• This one time was this really cute guy- tall, fair, handsome.. everything I could think of. I thought, may be, this is my lucky day.. may be this is when the fairlytale comes true for me. It was a 6 hr flight, so I have lots of time too. He was nice, pleasant and very talkative. We were connecting. We loved travelling, were working in similar industry, and guess what, we also found common friends. At the 5th hour of the flight, I heard about his 'partner'. (Gosh, where were my womenly instincts)
• This was this boy- looked straight out of a rock band. Curly hair, light blue eyes, and a smile to die for. Our eyes did meet in the boarding area. We smiled at each other and yes, a little bit of flirtations. He boarded the plane. I followed almost 10 minutes after that. We saw each other in the plane.. two seats next to him were empty.. will any of these be mine.. don't know, lets leave it to luck. Damn, one gets filled. We both are looking at each other very hopeful, when the lady right in front of me, carry 5 'carry on bags' dumps them on the seat next to him. So long, dear friend.
• This time, it was an English teacher from San Francisco. 14 hour flight- what more. Bearded guy- well not my type. So, for the first six hours we do not speak, just sleep. I figured, since we have already slept together (albeit in the plane and in out own small economy seats), its time to open some conversation. The man was pretty interesting. We talk of topics ranging from native Americans to amazon forests to English writing to Hollywood... To family to life. For some reason, I realized, only later when he was helping me get by bag from the overhead compartment- he had a ring on.
• This is classic. Flirt with the air hostess. Perfect setting, you get the best of attention, best of food, wines and any meals not used in the first class. And if she is pretty and only in your city for a day, vola.. you have an interesting date. My friend, who was in this situation, flirts all 8 hrs in the flights.When de-boarding, goes up to this lady, thanks her, asks her what she was doing on that one day stop over. 
• Kenny: Hey, thanks. I had a great flight.
• Hostess: Cool. Enjoy being back home.
• Kenny: So what are you doing this evening?
• Hostess: Nothing
• Kenny: Ok, bye!! (Kenny walks out, thinking, o shit. I could have asked her for a date!)

Shaadi Mubarak 4

Khao piyo khisko!

I remember a time when somebody walked into a wedding late in the evening, had a 'shagan' ka lifafa in her hand. I greeted her near the gate and she said.... have you gone on stage and met the bride and groom. She said, arre... lets do the payment for the food we are going to eat. Chalo, milte hain, payment karte hain and phir khiskte hain.

It was an interesting perspective. I go to weddings to meet people, dress up, if i know the bride and groom well- tease them, have fun. Its a relaxed mode. Typically, when the wedding is going on, friends and family will be circled around a table, to meet, tease. Rampant matchmaking is another interesting activity going on. Wedding is a place where girls are spotted, flirtations are in the air. Truly, love is in the air. In a three - four day event, people tend to get to know each other. New relationships are formed. A few relationships may sour too. Old relationships get consolidated.

Its always the part after the event, when people are just hanging.. with nothing much to do. Every body is looking good, they are on a high, food is abundant and you just relax and chill in the festive atmosphere the bride and grooms family have created for you.

There are times, when people go to a wedding to show their face - to be seen or as an obligation. I often wonder, whats the point of such a visit. The fact that you are just 'visiting' the wedding and not really 'participating' is that you have been invited as an obligation. You dress up, travel all the way from where you are just to do a payment and eat dinner. How about just going for dinner on your own.

Wonder, why do we have to keep up with our presence. I could never understand going to an event where I just have to 'show my face' and like it or not, I do that a lot.

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Hail Nithya!-3

Did you know that the word 'decide' has the same root as 'suicide' and 'homocide'? It literally means to finish off the alternatives

Shaadi Mubarak 3

Since the time, a girl realizes how to dress us, they start building the vision for the epitome of all dressing up days- the wedding day. From what I have observed, there is one single thought- I n

Rajput bride wearing a pink lehenga. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

eed to look different from all the other brides. (well quite rightly so, it MY wedding); AND if you are that part of the society which loves to flaunt money and designer labels. For most of the ladies, this is/ must be the single most dress item in their wardrobe. And Its amazing, in the value conscious India, the single dress that you (hopefully) will never wear again. :-)

It starts with the idea- what to wear- a sari, a lehenga or something customized.. something unique. What is the look going to be.. traditional, classic, western.... ? AND the big one, what color. Pastels to green to red...and wait a minute the hues of red.

Then starts the whole round of shops, designers to chandni chawk places to places where your best friends, cousin's, aunt's daughter bought her clothes from. The grand search begins. Visit these locations, with your mom and a few loyal friends, get treated with cold drinks and 'chai' and yes ladies, try on. At some of these cooler places, the sales man will drape the saree on him self and show how it looks. and say.. 'madam ji, aaj kal to yahi chal raha hai... per aap ke liye humne dekho, isko different bana diya, aap isnme bahut ache lagoge..'.

After visiting almost 7-8 shops, the bride is generally exhausted and most likely confused. She has lost the charm of looking different. At this time, all that she needs is a wedding dress. Because, you know what, she also needs to worry about the sangeet dress, the mehendi dress, the cocktail dress, the make up person, the guy who will do the hair, the look she wants, the jewelry to wear with, the shoes, the bags... c'mon, its a tough choice.

Hail, entry, the designer friend. The lady who promised it all and suddenly disappeared for a show closer the the event. Frantic calls to this fashionista, a coffee meeting, visit to her studios, dad releasing the money, and vola, we have the bride happy. But, a bride needs to feel overwhelemed and confused, to really enjoy what she gets. Something, i have observed in all the brides.

Its amazing, the amount of money and time that is spend in finding that one wedding dress, the one for that special day of yours, which most likely, you will never wear again, to develop a look, which most likely you will never sport again. Brides on this day carry a look which nobody has ever seen them in. Its a day, when they will look at themselves and blush. And when their yet to happen kids, look at pictures off will look and ask, ..mama, who is that aunty standing next to dad.

Its amazing, how the transformation happens for women. In all the wedding albums of friends, it has been pretty easy to recognize the men.

At a friends wedding, where I was the quasi maid of honour, it was painful. It was painful because, i was the one holding the 20kg stone studded chunni. She was wearing this amazing, heavy kundan set, which the elders of the family thought was a must, to show the richness she came from, a 'rani haar' that nearly pulled her neck to touch the floor.

She came into the house for 15 minutes before the phera. The only thing she wanted was, to take off her heels and remove the jewelery. Her ears were in pain. Imagine, how hard is to wear a 10-20g earing for almost 4 hrs, along with a 20kg lehenga, a 1 kg hair do with pins on pencil heels which are digging the floor.

I always thought women went to gym before the wedding to tone up and look the prettiest on this day. May be, weight lifting training needs to be added. Our ladies, are carry an expensive load of over 25kg on this day.  And guess, what a lot of this is an pain inflicted by our ladies by themselves.

Isn't this world an amazing place!

Being Hard to Get

Ok, women, since childhood, we have been told, you should not be easy. Men like chase. Be hard to get. ' Men are like dogs, running after cars they do not want to enter'. ' They like sports, they like a challenge, be that challenge';  You get the point.

The question is, what about us. Its not easy to be the challenge. To hold back all the time. Does it not happen that you tend to just think and start living in your head. At each moment, you are just thinking- oh, how do I work on this situation such that - i can get a kind of reaction. Isn't this what is called manipulation?

Lets face it, to some women, this comes easy and to others- like me, this is the hardest thing to do. I am direct. I do things as I feel them. I can't say something, and mean something else. I just find it hard to read between lines.. find the hidden meaning. Its fun analysing the situations, but they are exhausting. And most of the times, lead no where.

I recently read somewhere, being hard to get does not mean to resist or say 'NO' or postpone. It means, be in control of your feeling. Be aware of what you are, where you are and accept it. Value yourself. Be the center of what you want. Do things at your terms and let that be known. Have that inner confidence.

Somebody, really needs to get into your mindspace, which is currently focused on yourself, your needs. That person is competing against your needs/ wants and wants you to make space for him/ her. You are engaging in things that are fun - as you perceive them. You are not holding yourself back. You are liking what you are doing and you are fun to be around. But, you are still hard to get, because you are focusing on yourself- your mindspace has you at its centre.

So, ladies, my matra, do as you like; Don't be hard to get for the sake of it and not enjoy life. Truly appreciate your self, and be the centre of your universe. By doing so, atleast i believe, one will live it, yet follow the rules if you so please!!

Hail Nithya!-2

Lack of oxygen creates morons; Excess of it makes oxy-morons!!

Hail Nithya!

Single people don't really expect married people to be single. So why do married people expect single people to get married? (maybe this is more in India)

We do not relate to our best friends from school, not because we do not like them, but just because our lives are so different now.

Maya, I just feel we are not that close any more. Wrote Radhika on face book. It was true. When we were in high school, we were inseparable. We were the two who hated all the other women in our colony.. Alternatively, may be they hates us! Nevertheless, we were happy duo… going to evening walks and sharing lives. I was the smart one and she was the pretty one. We were there for each other to tell the stories of when we started dating our boy friends, we were there when we wanted to tall our parents that we wanted to marry them, we were both there when the relationships ‘did not work out’ – when we were dumped. We were there for each other to help cope the break ups. But today, Radhika is married, with a 5 year old daughter, gushing about her life, her hubby, (who happens to be m closest friend from school), how he is pushing and taking the role of provider in the family and she is the woman of the house. We still talk- but our lives are so different. The next big thing for Radhika is ayanshi’s birthday party and I am planning my world tour – back packing.

From a time when we would speak for hours on the phone, we now have once in 3 months, 3 line conversations- asking if all was well.

Shaadi Mubarak

Shaadi Mubarak


It is also that time of the year when the roads are blocked by the bandwagon of 'band walla', dulha's on ghodi's and a bunch of 'happy' and tipsy people experimenting with Bollywood bhangra steps. It is that time of the year, when my bedside table has this stack of wedding cards and my refrigerator is filled with sweets and chocolates. (Yes, today's couples and family's are experimenting with Chocolates, dried fruits and cookies too at some occasions).
And thus starts the planning of another wedding. I am just a guest, but I start getting invites to be a part of dance practice- where a choreographer is called to teach me how to croon to the Bollywood numbers. One of the friends gladly plays the role of a script writer- boy meets girl; Girl not interested; Boy follows girl and proposed; All these are spiced up with bollywood songs. At some point in time in the act, the parents are called on stage to dance to the classic tune of 'aa meri johra jabee'. The friend play the role of extras when the bride and groom are on the stage.

Call it Bollywood influence or our version of the first dance, the traditional sangeet of yesteryears, when the ladies of the house will sit together with a dholak and a chamach has transformed into this whole act of synchronized dancing.

This also brings out some of the 'hidden' talent. .. I am a horrible dancer.. i can't do this, o my god, people will laugh at me. And yet, everybody is pushed onto this stage - a wholesome family entertainment provided by the friends and family of the groom and girl

The celebrations continue from 3 to 8 days. Depending on how big the party is. And if you are single, doing well in life, attractive to look at and somehow related to the boy or the girl, the question is often asked- so you are next or why are you not married. Its time you should? Arre, tumhara chota bhai tumse tej nikla? Ab to shaadi kar lo? humne tumhare liye bhi ek sunder se ladki dekhi hai?
I have often wondered why do people get married?

Even before I can complete this thought, I am pulled onto the dance floor. Yes, these days, the bollywood bandwagon starts on the stage with choreographed performances, a tradition started by the barjatiya brothers in hum aap ke hain kaun to a true club style dance floor. Gone are the days of ladies of the house sitting around and singing folk songs, we are the hi-tech world of DJ's and choregraphers. Welcome to Shaadi Mubarak- bollywood istyle!